


the deepest secret nobody knows

by raregoose



Category: Men's Hockey RPF
Genre: 5+1 Things, Fluff, M/M, Nikolaj is dumb, Secret Relationship, except not really
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-12-11
Updated: 2018-12-11
Packaged: 2019-09-15 22:09:20
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 3,578
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16941597
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/raregoose/pseuds/raregoose
Summary: Nikolaj is really lucky to be on a team where the captain and the alternate captain are so close.Or: five times Nikolaj didn't figure out Mark and Blake were together, and the one time he realized that they thought he knew all along





	the deepest secret nobody knows

**Author's Note:**

> I can't be held responsible for what I had to do after the Jets posted that picture of Blake, Mark, and a baby on their Instagram!
> 
> I love all fake/secret relationship fics, and I kinda wanted to put a spin on it with this, considering it's not quite that, but it's in the neighborhood. Also I am enamored with Wheels and Scheif's relationship. It was really fun to write; I hope it's somewhat enjoyable to read!
> 
> quick note on possible squicks in the fic: blake's son & wife, and patrik's girlfriend are all mentioned in the fic! the first two as sort of an explaining-away of blake's marriage, and the latter because i use their relationship as a bit of a foil.
> 
> Title comes from the poem [[i carry your heart with me(i carry it in]](https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poetrymagazine/poems/49493/i-carry-your-heart-with-mei-carry-it-in) by e. e. cummings! please always feel free to send me your favorite love poems!!!

**one!**

For Nikolaj, fresh out of Halifax, playing alongside Mark and Blake was like accidentally acquiring two new parents. He thought he’d seen it all in the Q, the young men who’d do anything to make the show, but it was nothing compared to his new linemates. Mark had the single-minded focus of a spotlight, hockey the only thing ever on his brain, always thinking of one way or another to improve or get a leg up on his opponents. Blake was the captain in everything but name, driving the intensity at every practice in every game, sacrificing himself for the team, vomiting into a bucket during intermission and then scoring the next period.

Without them, Nikolaj wasn’t an NHLer. Without them, he was a lost kid who had never really stuck in any one place for too long.

He adopted himself into their little line-family, seeking advice of both on and off ice varieties. He spent a lot of time speaking to them, but also just watching, paying attention to the little things that they did. Blake's son Louie came to practice sometimes, a little fireball of energy. He already loved Mark, running straight to him when he came into the dressing room, and he warmed to the third linemate soon enough.

He gave Nikolaj a tiny high-five and ran off to get picked up by Mark as they sat in the locker room after practice, Blake smiling at the scene. 

“He seems like a sweet kid,” Nikolaj said. Blake’s eyes crinkled as he smiled.

“Thanks.” Mark bounced Louie in his arms and Louie laughed brightly. “It’s tough, since he’s with his mom almost all the time. I’m just trying to be a good dad.”

Blake didn’t wear a ring. Not that any married guy did on ice, but not even on their off-days, not when the team got together on a Sunday to watch football together, not when they went out to dinner on the road. Nikolaj didn’t ask, but that last response was explanation enough.

Across the dressing room, Mark was holding Louie and pointing over at Blake, speaking softly. Nikolaj watched Blake as he watched Mark with his son. Louie smiled and nodded, and Mark walked them over, handing Louie off to Blake.

“Hey kiddo!” He said, plopping him down in his lap. “Are you having some fun?”

“Uh-huh!” Louie said. “Uncle Mark says we can go to the zoo today!”

Blake laughed. “Did he? Well, that sounds pretty good to me.” He raised his eyebrows at Mark across the dressing room, who just laughed and shrugged. “I think pretty soon you’re gonna like Uncle Mark more than me, Louie,” Blake sighed. Louie wasn’t paying attention anymore, instead playing with Blake’s glove.

Nikolaj smiled. He was still so young, new to a team that didn’t have a lot going for it, but it warmed his heart to see a brotherhood between his teammates anyway.

**two!**

The next season gave Blake the C, Mark an A, and the Jets a new player named Patrik. They became linemates quick and friends quicker. They were attached at the hip, on-ice and off. Nikolaj saw a younger version of himself in him; he was the European fresh to North America with a voice a half-step away from unaccented who followed Blake and Mark like they were gods.

Mark passed, and Patrik sniped it into the net. Patrik sniped it into their own net, and Blake hugged him on the bench. Patrik once accidentally said, “can you pass the tape, dad?” to Blake and didn’t hear the end of it for two months.

But he was a new dimension to the team all by himself at only eighteen, so no one was complaining. 

He scored three hat tricks in his rookie year, the last of the three on Valentine’s day. He and Nikolaj stayed in the locker room after most of the guys had rushed home to their wives, cleaning up their stuff slowly and goofing off a little. They were young and single (or at least, in Patrik’s case, not dating someone living in Winnipeg) and they had nowhere to be. 

Mark popped back into the locker room, looking for something he’d forgotten.

“Any big plans tonight, Scheifs?” Patrik asked, grinning.

“Yup. I’ve got a _real_ hot date, lemme tell ya.” Mark laughed and waggled his eyebrows. Patrik laughed too, nodding along.

“Oi, you almost ready to go home to the ol’ ball and chain?” Nikolaj looked up, and Blake was leaning in the doorway, his suit on. Mark spun immediately at the sound of his voice.

“Yeah, yeah, gimme a sec.” Mark shuffled with his stuff hurriedly.

Nikolaj looked at Mark, and then Patrik. Mark waved and skittered out of the locker room, trailing Blake.

As far as Nikolaj knew, Mark didn’t really date anyone. He wondered if he had some girl back home he was ashamed of, someone he wouldn’t tell the guys about. Well, clearly Blake knew about her, but Blake and Mark just had a different relationship than most of the guys.

**three!**

The way Mark’s legs writhed on the ice after he crunched into the boards made Nikolaj feel sick to his stomach. He was on the bench watching the scene, the team silent, Mark in the opposite corner of the rink lying on his side clutching his arm. Blake was bent over him, ever the good captain and friend.

Mark didn’t return to the game, and Blake went angry and silent and intense like he did sometimes, choosing to show his team instead of tell. When he got going, Blake was more than just a good passer; he was a wrecking ball with his indomitable broad frame, a stronger man than most.

After the game, Nikolaj went to find Mark, to try to say something. He knew as well as anyone how badly Mark wanted to win and to be the best player in the league.

He found him in the hallway, but he paused before approaching. Blake was with him, just in his under armour and leggings, still shiny with sweat from the game. Their heads were bent together, speaking softly, out of earshot for Nikolaj. Mark’s right arm was in a sling, but his left hand was tangled with Blake’s. They had their ring fingers linked, a strange position Nikolaj didn’t understand.

Mark let his head fall onto Blake’s shoulder. An aborted sob escaped from him. He said something Nikolaj couldn’t hear, and Blake’s face darkened.

Blake swung his right arm around, his left still clutched with Mark, and rubbed Mark’s back. “I got you, I got you,” he said, loud enough for Nikolaj to hear.

Nikolaj stepped away silently and gave them their space. There were some things about the relationship between his captain and his alternate that Nikolaj didn’t want to intrude on.

**four!**

Playoffs meant practice was more intense than ever before, but also more fun. Nothing did more for the morale of the team than being good, and winning.

“So, if we win the cup,” Patrik said, skating a lazy warm-up lap beside Nikolaj, gesturing with his stick, “I’m thinking I’ll propose.”

Nikolaj coughed in surprise. “Wait, whoa, hold on man, you’re gonna _propose_? Aren’t you both, like, fifteen?”

“We don’t have to get married _right away_ ,” Patrik defended. “We’d get married in the summer, so it’d be another year or two.”

“I mean, I guess.” Nikolaj shrugged. He knew Patrik had been with Sanna for ages, considering he never shut up about her, but Patrik had _just_ turned twenty. “Just”, as in, literally a week ago.

Mark got on the ice and skated over to them, smiling. “What’s up, boys?”

“Scheif, how young is too young to get married?” Nikolaj asked, shoving Patrik a little.

Mark turned a dark pink at the question. “Well, I, you know, I think the timing is different for everyone!” He laughed, and honestly all of Mark’s laughs were pretty awkward, but there was some special sauce on that one.

Nikolaj cocked an eyebrow at him. He glanced over at Patrik, who was smiling and skating away, probably too preoccupied thinking about his own love life to consider what Mark had just said.

Mark didn’t wear a ring. Nikolaj was _pretty_ sure he was single. Mark was one of those guys who never really paid that much attention to girls; he ducked away from them, laughing, at bars, running off to Blake cackling like it was the biggest joke in the world. The two of them always left team functions early together, crumpling up the receipt with the waitress’ phone number scrawled on it and tossing it at Brandon, splitting beers and cabs, attached at the hip almost as much as Nikolaj and Patrik were. Mark didn’t regale the boys with stories of pick-ups or long nights or local models.

Nikolaj still kinda wondered if he had some secret live-in girlfriend or wife he was keeping hidden. He always wanted to push, press Mark until he caved and told Nikolaj why he was so damn secretive about his love life, and what that love life actually entailed.

But Mark clearly didn’t want to talk about it, so Nikolaj didn’t bug him. He decided to bug his roommate instead.

“Copper,” Nikolaj said as soon as Mark went for a shower after practice. He slid into the stall next to Andrew, leaning in. Andrew raised his eyebrows. “Can I ask you something?”

“Yeah, sure Fly, shoot.”

“Does Scheif ever take girls home? Or, like, does he have a girlfriend or something?” Nikolaj asked. Andrew stared at him for a second before pinching his lips in and biting the insides of his cheeks as if to keep himself from laughing. Across the dressing room, Patrik was grinning and shaking his head.

“What?” Nikolaj said, flipping his gaze between the two of them.

“No, uh, it’s nothing,” Andrew said to Nikolaj before sending Patrik an unreadable look. Patrik gave a little thumbs up and left the room, and Nikolaj had never felt more out of the loop in his entire life. “It’s just that, I actually don’t live with Scheif anymore. Yeah, he kicked me out.”

Nikolaj shook his head, wondering how in the world he missed _that_ development.

“Why?” he asked.

“I dunno, guess he just wanted a better roommate. Someone a little more fun, or something. Anyway, gotta go, Fly!” Andrew said, sing-song, grinning as he jogged out of the locker room, leaving Nikolaj alone and even more confused than he was before he asked.

**five!**

The summer was short, but not nearly short enough. Nikolaj felt like it had been ages since he’d seen the guys when training camp finally began. They went out to eat at their favorite place in the city, packed like sardines in a back room. Nikolaj arrived late, like always, the last to slip in the room, greeted by hundreds of chirps. 

Blake and Mark were sitting at the end of the table with their backs to the door when he walked in, Blake on Mark’s right. Blake had his arm strewn across the back of Mark’s chair, casually lounging the way he liked. As Nikolaj walked by them to get to the empty seat Patrik had saved for him, he couldn’t help but notice the glint of metal reflecting the light on Blake’s hand as he gesticulated, talking to Josh across the table.

The moment came and went in an instant, Nikolaj walking by before he could fully process it, but as he sat next to Patrik at the other end of the table and took his jacket off, his brain started puzzling through the moment.

Blake didn’t wear a ring. He never had, never in the time Nikolaj had known him. Maybe it had been a trick of the light; maybe some reflection from the silverware on the table had confused him. Nikolaj was baffled. Blake was at the other end of the table, and Nikolaj couldn’t really catch a glimpse of him through the dinner. He was distracted for a little while, but got drawn into the conversation quickly, stories from the summer, weddings and training and the World Cup.

Leaving the restaurant, Nikolaj got curious again, and he tried to catch a glimpse of it as they walked out. Blake’s hands were deep in his jacket pockets, though.

“What’s up with you?” Patrik asked, catching Nikolaj’s arm. “You’re being weird.”

“No, it’s nothing.” Nikolaj shrugged Patrik off. “I just, I dunno, thought I saw something.”

“Whatever, man.” Patrik elbowed him, but it was a friendly elbow, one of those ‘if something’s bothering you, you can tell me’ elbows. A guy thing.

Nikolaj hadn’t really thought too much about marriage. He’d had girlfriends here and there, in Europe and in Halifax but not so much in Winnipeg. His career had become enough to worry about without trying to fit in another human. But most of the guys had girlfriends or wives, and a few even had kids. Maybe it was a little weird to be one of the only guys to always show up alone.

“Hey, did you ever ask Sanna to marry you?” he asked, turning to Patrik in curiosity.

“No,” Patrik said, laughing dryly. “I think playoffs made me crazy. We’ve got a _lot_ of time. We did buy a house though, in Tampere.”

“Oh, damn, nice.” Nikolaj raised his eyebrows. “Your mom gonna live with you there, too?” He added wickedly, giggling.

“Shut the fuck up.”

So, maybe Patrik was right. He’d never _tell_ him that, but the point stood. There was a lot of time.

**& one!**

It was CFL playoffs time and honestly, Nikolaj had always been more of a fan of the European variety of football, but it was fun and a team bonding experience, so he followed along, mostly just listening to whatever Andrew had to say on the topic.

“So,” Mark said in the locker room, “you should all come over to watch the Bombers in the Western Final this Sunday. We’ll make it a potluck, eh?” The guys whooped and hollered at that, chirping the guys who were the worst cooks on the team.

“What’re you gonna bring, Patty, cookies that your mom made?” Nikolaj joked, elbowing him.

“That would be a lot more funny if you weren’t the one who ate the most of them last time,” Patrik shot back. “I bet they’ll be better than whatever you bring from Skip the Dishes.”

Okay, Nikolaj couldn’t really argue with that one. Just to spite Patrik, he decided to try to be a real adult for once in his life, and actually cook something for the potluck rather than order it or bring beer.

He gave himself a wide berth of time on Sunday, nearly the entire morning, to prepare and cook meatballs, an appetizer he deemed fairly safe and probably not that difficult. Granted, he probably underestimated himself, if that was even possible when it came to his nonexistent cooking skills, and he managed to be ready early for the first time in his life.

Nikolaj threw his things together and proudly carried his tray of meatballs to the car; he was _actually_ gonna be early for something for once, and he was pretty damn excited about it. He didn’t have any freeloading Finns to pick up, he was actually contributing food to the party, and he got to hang out with all his friends for the afternoon. It was as close to perfect as anything was gonna get.

When Nikolaj pulled up to Mark’s house, the driveway was empty. He was the first to arrive; again, something that had never happened before and would probably never happen again. He walked up to the door and let himself in, kicking his shoes off and padding through the entryway of the quiet and empty condo, searching for Mark.

The entryway led into the open-concept kitchen and living area, white granite and white couches, the cleanly designed furniture certainly not picked out by Mark. He walked into the kitchen, about to put his tray of meatballs down, when he found Mark.

He was lying on one of the couches. Scratch that, he was lying on top of someone, on one of the couches. Or, scratch that one more time, he was making out with someone on one of the couches. Their legs were tangled, socks just half-on, and big arms encircled Mark, hands grabbing at his blue sweater. 

It was a _dude_. Oh. _Oh_. No wonder Mark always laughed about girls hitting on him. Nikolaj stood in shock, wanting desperately to make a sound but unable. Mark made a high-pitched noise. Nikolaj felt like he was gonna die. Eventually he managed to cough, and put his tray down on the counter.

“Hi Mark!” he said, way too loud, praying to God that his friend would stop making out with some random guy whose face Nikolaj couldn’t see.

At the noise, Mark and the other man jumped apart and scrambled to compose themselves. Mark stood up, red-faced and hair mussed, to reveal the other man, who pushed up into a sitting position so Nikolaj could see him—

What the _fuck_.

“What the _fuck_?!” Nikolaj said, because the other guy was _Blake_ , like _their captain_ Blake, like _Mark and Nikolaj’s linemate_ Blake. He was really glad he had already put down the tray, because otherwise there’d be meatballs all over Mark’s white flooring about now.

“Sorry about that, Nik!” Mark said cheerfully.

“Wait, wait, I’m sorry, _what_?” Nikolaj said, more emphatically that time. “You two are, like, _together_?” Nikolaj’s brain rewinded like cassette, trying to piece together the new information. Blake and Mark looked at each other.

“Did you, uh… not know?” Mark asked.

“No!? I mean, I’m happy for you both, but, like, _what_? Was it not a secret?” Nikolaj said, even though he was beginning to realize that maybe it made a lot more sense than he thought. The little touches, their familiarity with one another, the daily carpools. It all started clicking together into a full picture.

On the couch, Blake giggled. “I’m sorry,” he said, swallowing it. “But we’ve been together longer than you’ve been on the _team_. How did you not know?”

“I-I-Well,” Nikolaj stuttered, because really, how _did_ he not know? The more he thought about it, the more embarrassing it became. “So, does everyone else know?”

Mark considered a moment. “I think so.” He turned to Blake. “You talked to most of them about it, right?”

“I _thought_ I talked to everyone about, but clearly I forgot at least Nik,” Blake said, shrugging. “I think most everyone just figured it out.” He put his hands up in surrender. 

There was a ring on Blake’s left hand. Nikolaj blinked at it, remembering the night in the restaurant. 

“So, are you guys, like, married?” Nikolaj sat down on the couch. This was a lot to process at once.

“Kinda? In spirit, yeah,” Mark said, shrugging. “I proposed last year, got a ring over the summer. But we don’t wanna have a ceremony and everything until we’re ready.”

Nikolaj stared, confused. 

“Ready to tell _everyone_ , he means,” Blake added. 

And Nikolaj understood. The league, the inevitable questions, hoopla, and harassment. 

“Oh,” he said.

“Yeah,” Mark replied. He walked over and sat on Nikolaj’s other side.

Nikolaj had a million more questions, about how they got together and how they started telling people, about every little thing. They were his friends, and he was happy to see them find each other. They talked until the others showed up, Mark and Blake telling stories about their relationship. Josh was next to arrive, carrying a bowl of guacamole and a bag of chips.

“What’s up g-oh,” he said, stopping in his tracks, seeing Nikolaj sitting between Mark and Blake on the couch, probably looking like they just had some serious Captain Discussion. Josh looked between the three of them, and then his face lit up. 

“Wait,” he said, “did Nik finally figure it out?”

The annoyed look on Nikolaj’s face paired with the amused looks on Mark and Blake’s must’ve answered Josh’s question, because his face broke into a grin.

“Oh, yes!” he said, putting down his guacamole and chips. “Patty and Copper owe me fifty bucks each! They didn’t think you’d figure it out before Christmas.”

Nikolaj guffawed. “Those _motherfuckers_!” he said, remembering that day they laughed at him in the locker room.

“God,” he said, leaning back into the couch and covering his face with his hands. “I can’t believe I thought you had a fucking _secret girlfriend_ , I’m such an idiot.”

They all laughed, and Nikolaj was red and embarrassed but happy for his friends. He thought of the easy physicality between the two of them and the way they always seemed to have eyes in the back of their heads for each other, on and off ice. He remembered, just vaguely, the night a year prior when Mark broke his collarbone and Nikolaj found him with his fingers linked with Blake in the hallway.

Nikolaj stood to get a glass of water, and when he returned, Mark’s hands were in Blake’s, Mark twisting the ring on Blake’s finger with a fond smile on his face. Nikolaj exhaled and sat back down, contented. There were some things about the relationship between his captain and his alternate that would stay between the two of them.

**Author's Note:**

> thanks for reading! you can find me on tumblr and on twitter @ raregoose !
> 
> one last note: i swear to god that the linking-ring-fingers thing was in some sort of fanart for something about five years ago, but i can't remember what or who and i haven't been able to find it, so not sure if i hallucinated it. the scene with the finger-linking was inspired by this mystery fanart i'm not sure actually exists!


End file.
